break up.

Okay this is not going to be the most cheeriest of posts out there but I need somewhere to write exactly how I feel right now, without being a beg and posting it on social media. 

I think after a break up, it's hard to know how you should feel - so far I've spent countless hours listening to Coldplay and David Gray in the hope that music therapy would be a help. I have been shopping, I have been out with my friends, I have got hopelessly drunk, but in reality none of these thing have helped. It's more than just a case of brushing it off and it's definitely harder to 'just forget' about it as so many people have said as supposed advice. 
The truth is a break up means you lose your security, you lose your best friend, you lose your comfort blanket and the harshest thing to realise is you lose that one person that you could call upon at any hour and they'd pick up and listen to your shit.

The process of taking down photos and changing profile pictures is hard enough as it is a physical representation of the end of something. Then comes the stuff swap - I have some clothes and just some stuff that doesn't belong to me and I'm dreading giving all this stuff back and having the physical exchange of things that just last week I was fine with living without and letting him keep them for as long as he wanted. It's gonna seem so weird having them back after all this time..

The relationship that has just ended has been a very strained one as I'm up in Newcastle at uni and he's 200 miles away down at home, in Newark. All I can say is - long distance is not easy! The thing that makes me most sad is that after 8 months of making it work and trying to live with the distance, to see it come to and end just sparks the question of what was this all for? Endless amounts of travelling hours and money spent to see each other for 1 day at a time, for it to end like this 8 months later... Very very sad that we just couldn't see a way through..

Sorry for the world's least engaging post haha, I promise to make the next one a little more uplifting!

Decisions decisions decisions...

   Okay the time has come to decide on my third year options for University! This is very scary for me as it doesn't seem 10 minutes since I started as a fresher.. How time flies! Now I've got to make rational choices that will see me through final year and hopefully give me the desired first I so desperately want! There are some compromises I have to make though that I am less than impressed about...

   Some of the lecturers, despite being lovely people, really are not that great! I haven't clicked with them and haven't enjoyed their style of teaching and so I am finding myself swaying away from their modules. As luck would have it though, of course these are the people with the most interesting sounding modules! Which leaves the question - do I choose a module I'll find really interesting but risk not enjoying it due to the module leader or do I choose a less desirable module that I know will have an engaging lecturer that I will be able to relate to? Difficult one! With the deadline only three days away I should probably get deciding and confirming my choices...

   I guess the only good thing to come from this was me deciding to do an English Literature dissertation as opposed to English Language! Not a total failure if I managed to make one choice haha! Now just to decide on a title... Wish me luck haha!