49 things I realised when rewatching Gossip Girl

Now in my days of procrastination, I have been rewatching my fave show Gossip Girl from the beginning and here are some things I noticed this time around in season 1...

1. Why does Serena always look shady AF?
2. Why does Blair look nervy and insecure - that is soooo not B?!
3. Jenny doesn't offend me in the first episode??? Normally little J is the MOST annoying person on the planet ever, but at the beginning she actually looks normal
4. WHO THE HELL IS THAT PLAYING BLAIR'S MUM??? And why did I never notice before that they swapped the actress playing Eleanor?? Bad fan
5. Why is Chuck not attractive? Waaaa
6. And why is Dan seeming appealing? Omg weird feelings right here
7. Eugh god forgot Chuck was all rapey in season 1. Not cool
8. Rufus is bae and always will be omg
9. Eugh omg Bart Bass. Forgot how much I do not like that guy
10. Blair and Nate god nooooooo, B and Chuck forever
11. God Serena annoys me SO much
12. Poor Eric. He's sweet
13. Lily????? What is your issue omg help your child
14. The Captain is also shady AF
15. HOW does Serena get away with wearing her uniform like that????
16. Dan, lol
17. Who dresses B? Some of her outfits are offensively bad
18. Serena and Dan, lol what is that
19. Serena and Blair are actual goals when they steal Eleanor's dresses
20. Why do they look flawless all the time. Hurtful
21. I want Blair's house omg so nice
22. God why is Dan so nice????
23. Just reminding myself he turns ridic in later series
24. WHEN WILL CHUCK GET HOT????
25. Dan punching Chuck hahahahahaha
26. Oooooo at a dance they dance to the PLL theme tune
27. That reminds me I should do one of these for PLL - sooooo many issues with that storyline
28. Lily and Rufus omg yesssssssss
29. God WHO THE HELL DRESSES CHUCK CHRIST ALIVE
30. Bart Bass. Eugh. No other words. He annoys every part of me. Cringe
31. God the strip club scene. Blair omg
32. BLAIR AND CHUCK OMG I FORGOT HOW AMAZING THIS IS OMG OMG OMG
33. I will forever be team B and C. Bye Nate lol
34. Lol Serena and that pregnancy test. Shock on Dan's face hahaha
35. I love you..... Woops awks
36. WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYYY would Serena say she cheated on Dan??
37. Tbf that team is mint. Chuck, Nate, B and S = actual dream team
38. Bye Humphrey, soz
39. Eugh Serena killed someone?? Same night she slept with Nate?? Bad night for S. Zero friend points
40. OMG S's yellow and black bridesmaid dress is gross who designed that??
41. Awks dance at the wedding when you've just been dumped. Not ideal...
42. God Georgina causes so many problems.
43. Chuck and Blair heading to France awwwww
44. Oh wait
45. Chuck is still a spaz
45. Don't ditch B
46. Oh too late
47. GOD THIS ANNOYS ME SO MUCH
48. BUT I CAN'T WAIT FOR SEASON 2. Netflix binge commence
49. Also I sooooooo wanna live on the Upper East Side

Home Comforts

God, I forgot how good it feels to be at home. Back in your own bed, with the chance of a bath if you please, full cupboards, the kettle constantly on, and best of all, back under a roof with all your favourite people and obvs, the dog!! Don't get me wrong I love uni, but it does feel nice to be back in a place where people actually like the kitchen being clean and don't blare out music til God knows when. It's nice to have some peace and quiet and some downtime with the fam, even if that means just watching X Factor, (which I fully intend on doing tomorrow night, btw)!
It's especially nice to be home this time of year as the fire comes on, talks of Christmas are in the air and presents are being discussed! Exciting times ahead! And let's not forget the food!! The way to my heart is deffo through my stomach, so it's no surprise I absolutely looooove being at home and seeing all the food available to eat! Never a moment of simply having to have pasta again for the sixth evening in a row... And best of all the baths!! I crave baths so much at uni, I never really realised how much I loved them til I moved away and was deprived of a good soak! It really is so nice to be at home and I'm sure everyone can agree they took everything for granted before uni and learnt the hard way to appreciate things, just like I did!

Now, I'm off to stock up on snacks and a cuppa and run myself, a nice, long, hot bath...

break up.

Okay this is not going to be the most cheeriest of posts out there but I need somewhere to write exactly how I feel right now, without being a beg and posting it on social media. 

I think after a break up, it's hard to know how you should feel - so far I've spent countless hours listening to Coldplay and David Gray in the hope that music therapy would be a help. I have been shopping, I have been out with my friends, I have got hopelessly drunk, but in reality none of these thing have helped. It's more than just a case of brushing it off and it's definitely harder to 'just forget' about it as so many people have said as supposed advice. 
The truth is a break up means you lose your security, you lose your best friend, you lose your comfort blanket and the harshest thing to realise is you lose that one person that you could call upon at any hour and they'd pick up and listen to your shit.

The process of taking down photos and changing profile pictures is hard enough as it is a physical representation of the end of something. Then comes the stuff swap - I have some clothes and just some stuff that doesn't belong to me and I'm dreading giving all this stuff back and having the physical exchange of things that just last week I was fine with living without and letting him keep them for as long as he wanted. It's gonna seem so weird having them back after all this time..

The relationship that has just ended has been a very strained one as I'm up in Newcastle at uni and he's 200 miles away down at home, in Newark. All I can say is - long distance is not easy! The thing that makes me most sad is that after 8 months of making it work and trying to live with the distance, to see it come to and end just sparks the question of what was this all for? Endless amounts of travelling hours and money spent to see each other for 1 day at a time, for it to end like this 8 months later... Very very sad that we just couldn't see a way through..

Sorry for the world's least engaging post haha, I promise to make the next one a little more uplifting!